Tuesday, June 17, 2014
6-16 / Day 240 Ugly to Uglier
This week has been seriously one of the craziest, hardest, saddest weeks of my mission so far.
This companionship just doesn't ever get much easier I've realized. Things just felt weird and sooo off. I finally just spoke up this week and said, "Sisters, we need to have a companionship inventory."
Ya I had no idea what I was starting! hahaha. 4 hours later and things were "fixed." Yes, you read that right... a 4-hour-long companionship inventory. I wanted to diiie. hahaha.
Then that night the flu hit me, hard core. From 2am-6am I was vomiting everything under the sun every 20 minutes, and then from 6am-2pm every hour! I layed in my bed for all of Wednesday long and part of Thursday, too. It is the worst thing EVER to be that sick as a missionary. No mommy, no movies, no nothing! I layed there all by myself sick as a dog. Ya, depressing & lonely & miserable.
I've learned heeps and heeps of things since I've been out here though. So that is at least something positive. I will spare you the details, but moral of the story is I've realized lately more than ever that I just don't need to fit the mold of the perfect missionary that everyone makes. It doesn't matter if I'm not baptizing weekly, if none of our investigators are progressing (in a way that is known to us), if I think of home sometimes.... None of these things mean that I'm not a successful missionary. And they don't mean that I don't LOVE being a missionary and doing this work for our Savior. That's been something I've struggled with a ton since I've been here because my companion just doesn't see anything as good enough. From her point of view, we're always, always, always doing something wrong. I've learned that I don't need her approval to know that I'm doing things good and right. The bar she sets for her approval would never work.
One thing I'm absolutely confident in is that I'm doing my best, learning all that I can & helping all those that The Lord puts in my path.
Bill is the sweetest, craziest, old man I've ever met. He cried and cried and cried this week out of gratitude for everything he's accomplished. 30 days of No Tobacco, and 27 years sober from alcohol. GO BILL! He still wants to come to church but is scared to death of his wife. We found out this week why she is so against the church. She had some pretty bad experiences and now she is just scared. I don't blame her. This is one the Lord has to fix, and in His timing. Some day, Some day.
Other than that, we have pretty much knocked every door in our area trying to find new people to teach! Pray we will find someone!! haha. We're trying so hard.
LOVE YOU ALL!